


Nightmares

by AstroNella



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 14:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20909060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AstroNella/pseuds/AstroNella
Summary: Lister is having nightmares. Rimmer is there to comfort him.





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> The 'difficult second fic'? This has been through so many versions I decided I'd better post it or I'll be reworking it forever. 
> 
> Inspired by my early days reading Red Dwarf fanfic, where I noticed Rimmer was frequently the emotional one but Lister rarely was. So I set myself the prompt 'Why is Lister crying?'
> 
> Set a few months after episode 10.6 The Beginning. References to events in episode 7.5 Blue.

Times like this were when Rimmer was at his most content. He felt happy and calm. He'd come a long way, putting years of inner turmoil behind him, and now he was with the man he loved, on the spaceship that had brought them together, even though it was now falling apart in places. For now, he and Lister were wrapped in each other's arms and falling into their own post-coital slumbers. 

Lying against Lister's ribcage, Rimmer could feel Lister's fingers run through his hair. He drifted into a deep sleep, lulled by these gentle ministrations and the sound of Lister's heartbeat close to his ear. Life (or resurrected life) was good sometimes.

Rimmer woke suddenly as he felt a sharp tug on his scalp. Lister probably got his fingers caught in some wayward curls, he thought. He moved his hand to untangle Lister's fingers but they were gone. He settled back down, wrapping his arm around Lister's chest with a contented sigh. This time, he'd barely closed his eyes when he heard a gasp and felt Lister's hand grip his arm. 

He was properly awake now. “Listy?” he asked. “You alright?”

“M'fine Arn. Go back to sleep.” was Lister's reply. Something wasn't sounding right to Rimmer. He switched his reading light on and looked up at his lover. Lister was holding his hand over his eyes, but Rimmer could still clearly see the tears on his face. He shook his lover gently to wake him properly. 

“What's wrong, Listy? Talk to me.” he said. But seeing those hazel eyes full of concern only brought forth more tears from Lister. Rimmer reached behind him and grabbed a tissue from a box in the corner and carefully wiped his lover's cheeks. He pulled Lister into a tight hug. 

“You're OK Listy, you're safe here with me.” Rimmer hoped his words were reassuring and calming, but the whimpering and sobs he heard suggested more was needed. Not knowing what else to try, he settled on just holding Lister close. Eventually Lister was calm enough to speak. 

“Don't leave me, Arn,” Lister pleaded tearfully. “Stay here with me, don't go.”

“I'm not going anywhere, Listy. Not without you.” Rimmer kissed his lover gently on the temple.

“I dreamed you were going. I dreamed you wanted to be Ace again and you were going, but you didn't tell me. I heard your ship's engine start up and ran to the landing bay but you were gone.”

Rimmer gulped. “It was just a nightmare, Listy, it wasn't real. I'm not Ace any more, and I'm glad. I don't want to be Ace again.”

“I keep dreaming it over and over. Last night I dreamed we were all on Starbug and then I saw Ace's ship go past, and when I turned round you weren't there.”

“It wasn't real, Listy. Nightmares aren't real.”

“It felt real at the time. The first time I dreamed it, you were getting all the gear on again, the wig, the gold flight jacket and everything, and I thought you were just trying it on to reminisce. But we walked down to the landing bay and you got into the Wildfire alone, I tried to climb in behind you but you shut me out and took off.”

“When was this?”

“A few months ago, after we got away from the Simulants and the Annihilators. You saved us all, Arn. I was so proud of you. And it was what you've always wanted to do, too – be a hero. But then I started to think that you might want more of it. I was scared I might lose you.”

“I'm not going anywhere, Listy. I don't want to go off and be a hero. Those days are over. I want to stay with you.”

Lister swallowed hard. “You sure?”

“Yes I am Listy, I want to stay where you are. I wanted to come home to you, that's why I gave up being Ace.”

“You gave up being Ace for me?”

Rimmer propped himself up on his elbow. “This is where I belong. It's one thing to save the universe, it's another thing altogether when the universe doesn't care that you're sleeping in your cockpit alone.”

“But you were Ace! You must have had admirers, I can't believe you'd be lonely.”

“A lot of the time, in the early days especially, I wasn't sleeping alone in my cockpit. But it wasn't what I wanted. I'd be falling asleep, with a beautiful woman in my arms, but I'd start to think of you.”

“You were thinking about me while you were with a woman?”

“Momentarily at first, I'd think about how I was living a life that was beyond anything I'd ever dreamed of when I was alive. Then next time – another part of the universe saved, another warm body in a warm bed, and I'd wake up wondering what you were doing. I'd wonder what it would be like if you were here with me.”

“I used to wonder where you were, sometimes. If you were enjoying your adventures, if you were safe. I always hoped you were safe.”

“At first I thought of you being my sidekick on adventures, and then I started to think about things afterwards – eventually I admitted to myself that I really wanted you in my arms, in my bed with me. And it kept on going, same thing every time, and I'd be thinking about you more and more. It came to a head when I was invited to dine with a space warfare regiment on their planetoid. We ate chicken curry with all the sides you could imagine being served with curry. You would have loved it.”

Lister's eyes brightened as his mind conjured up a massive table filled with curry and side dishes. Rimmer continued his story.

“That night, though, I couldn't wash away the curry aroma. It was on my fingers, it was under my nose when I exhaled. It felt like it was coming out of my skin while I was trying to sleep. But as the night wore on, I realised I didn't want to get rid of it. It reminded me of you, it was as if you were with me in a weird way.”

Lister, staring wide-eyed at Rimmer on this revelation, was lost for words. Luckily, Rimmer had a solution.

“It got to a point after that night where I was thinking of you constantly, Listy. I lost interest in saving the universe and being the legendary Ace Rimmer. I just wanted to come back to you and do this –” he reached down and kissed Lister, softly and slowly. 

Lister felt his insides turning to water as Rimmer kissed him, and he pulled Rimmer down for more kisses, running his fingers through his hair once more. Eventually Rimmer pulled away, and stroked Lister's cheek tenderly. “I set my heart on it, you know. Nothing else mattered more.”

“On what?”

“On coming back to you. I decided that I'd try to jump back to this dimension. That's why I ended up sleeping in the cockpit. I spent hours every day trying to figure out how to jump back. I was basically sleeping at my desk. It was supposed to be impossible to return to a dimension you'd already visited, but I never understood why. So I decided I had to try and make it work.”

“And it did work. Look at us.” Lister smiled.

“I'm still not completely sure how I got to that mirror universe. It wasn't where I was supposed to be going on that jump. But it might have all gone horribly wrong. When I saw you all for the first time, saw the ship, it occurred to me that you probably weren't alone, that you didn't want me back.”

“That's not true Arn. I missed you. I dreamed you came back. I dreamed about kissing you. I told you about those dreams when we got together.”

“I know, Listy. I've never made someone's dream come true before.” They both laughed at the notion. “But I had nightmares too. I was scared, what if you were back with Kochanski and wouldn't want me?”

“Well, I was a bit blown away when she showed up from another dimension. But she never wanted me, she wanted her own Dave Lister. We used to argue about which one of us was the definitive Dave.”

“Hmm. I think I like this version,” Rimmer smiled. 

“That was when I realised I was missing you. The others tried to remind me how we used to get on each other's nerves a lot, and I know we did, but I still hoped you'd be back one day.”

Rimmer switched the reading light off and pulled the duvet over the two of them. 

“I came home, Listy. We're together. That means I am home.”

Lister pulled Rimmer's arms round him, and Rimmer snuggled into Lister's embrace. Both of them were soon sleeping soundly.


End file.
